Adventure #62: Worst Case Scenario

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand." - Hayley Williams

Breaking an ankle is quite an experience. Though I imagine breaking any bone is for that matter. The realization that walking isn't going to be a possibility hits immediately. And, at least for me, I recalled fondly what the use of two good legs was like. Not to mention, I recognized how I had taken for granted some basic but amazing abilities.

Six months ago today, at about this time actually, I was laying in a hospital bed waiting to be taken to surgery to correct the fracture of my fibula and dislocation of my talus (picture below).

It was a journey even getting to the day of surgery but that's not the story I'm telling today. Today is about the Worst Case Scenario.

Leading up to surgery, I had met with the surgeon a few times, as was needed. Some of the complications were making surgery difficult and too risky. There were moments that were easy to take it one step at a time (haha..) and other moments that I lost all hope and ability to see this situation as anything but the worst.

In one of these lower moments, I was reminded of something the doctor had said. He had said that the worst case scenario is that I'd be walking again in 6 months from surgery. It would likely be shorter but 6 months was a guarantee. So I started a countdown in my phone to today.

I'm happy to report that it didn't take 6 months. By March 21st (approx. 2 weeks after surgery), I was cleared to return to work and had a boot to boot. (I'm so funny!) On April 18th, I was given the okay to start putting weight on my foot (my brain objected to such an idea at first but eventually accepted this as a good thing). May 3rd, I started physical therapy and took my first official steps without crutches. And when my last PT appointment (August 7th) came around I was walking on the treadmill in every direction, doing the grapevine across the room, and we had given the boot the boot a month and a half before. (In fact, where did I put it? I don't even remember...)

I can also tell you that some of the absolute worst and some of the positively best moments of my life happened in those 6 months. I experienced so much love from others and for others. And I experienced days that being numb didn't seem like enough to get me through. But what I've learned from all this...whatever is happening right now - whatever you are going through, facing, just barely getting out of bed to deal with, whatever it is - your life has the potential to be completely different in 6 months.

To reach that though, some effort is involved but so is rest and reflection. And it takes choosing every day to move forward. A lot of days feel like a step backward but where you end up is leagues from where you started. There's a chance you won't even know yourself when you get there. I don't fully recognized myself. But there's no part of me that wants to go back. And I'm grateful for the journey, for the continued confusion, and for the people who loved me through it and beyond.

Who knows, maybe you'll end up part cyborg, like me (picture below). Now that is an adventure!

Adventure #55: Transitioning

"You ready?" - Lorelai
"No." - Rory
"You ready?" - Lorelai
"Yes." - Rory
(Gilmore Girls)

In classes to become an elementary school teacher, we are advised to give children time to transition from one activity to the next. This is usually done with a procedure set up at the start of the year and is consistently followed so that students are trained and comfortable with the process but also so that learning moves at a fluid pace and less time is wasted...in theory.

Something similar has been used on me. Several of my friends have instigated the use of "transition words." Perhaps, they thought I was unaware that it was time to leave or say good night or whatever. But I was always aware, just unwilling to remove myself from the comforting presence of one I love. Each one, though, knew it was necessary and thoughtfully prepared me for the goodbye. And, even though I didn't want to be any sort of burden or inconvenience, each transition word, whether 'okay' or 'alright' or 'therefore,' came with a twinge of sadness.

I'm grateful, however, for the warning. In fact, the use of transition words became a tool for me. Like a child given the five minute signal, I knew I had a limited time to say or do the important things before the goodbye. This example has been portrayed on a grander scale for me this year. 2016 has been the year of 'prepare yourself' and every other month seemed to have had a drawn out 'soooo' attached to it.

I don't know if I've made the best use of my transitional periods or not. Even if you know you have one or two or four months before your friend is leaving, how can you know the time you were given was used adequately? Even if your parents are moving a month from now and you're not freaking out yet (which is a reaction everyone expects of you, even yourself), in fact you're excited for them, what happens when the freak out comes?

I've done more this year to change my life than any year previous. Starting Kung Fu, asking a boy out on a date, moving (same city, just a change of scenery), reading several books on boundaries and beginning to apply unheard of concepts, encouraging my best friend to move (and then discouraging it because I'm confusing and a conundrum and selfish), encouraging my parents to move (and as mentioned not panicking yet...) I'm proud of what's happened, both what I've done for myself and how I've handled things that come my way.

Mercifully, I have had transitional periods for all of these things though. They were built up to and I was able to rely on a step-by-step nature to the major changes especially. I can say I wasn't always graceful; I can definitely say I had stubborn moments, still do even. I can also attest to the fact that as I was willing to listen, God prepared me for each step. And He has been with me through everything -EVERYTHING - to get me here.

But this is a lesson that I'm relearning constantly. Life happens in transitional periods. Change is always looming but Heavenly Father prepares us if we align ourselves with His will. I can feel changes still coming but He always sends a transition word. And if I'm listening, I'll hear it and be prepared for all the adventures ahead.

Adventure# 41: Advice

For a few months I've been pondering some advice from a wise friend of mine. I thought I'd share her wise words.

"One thing that I really do believe, is that when you do what's best for yourself, it ends up being what's best for others as well. I know change isn't comfortable for you, but I think you're safe in embracing it. :)" 

-Hilary Wilson

I'm still working out all the ways this applies to my life right now. And since I appreciated Hilary's assurance of my safety in change, I figured someone out there might benefit from her wisdom as well. Hope you're all continuing to enjoy your adventures!

Adventure #31: Endings

"There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity." ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Read the quote above.


Read it again.


Read it 3 more times.


Memorize it.


You got it? Me too. Brilliant, isn't it?

I've spent portions of my life arguing with myself...Why do you have such a problem with change? No one else seems to have such issues... I'd asked myself when I faced any good-bye, any move, or any interruption to my life. I'll admit that description makes me sound OCD but I hope I've portrayed the right idea. My mistake then is viewing all of these events as endings.

If I had been paying better attention, I could have learned the lesson of eternity stuff much sooner. When I was facing one of these aforementioned good-byes, I turned to my scriptures and found this:

"And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." (Doctrine and Covenants 130:2)

Even with that being exactly what I wanted to hear, I held on to the doubts that I felt. I continued to emotionally fight change. So the review this weekend during Conference then was absolutely called for. In fact, of all that I could learn in my life, this is the most important - we are made of the stuff of eternity.

And, that leaves me with one more thought: living worthy of eternity. My goal now more than ever is to make my life worth an eternal chance. Using the comfort and direction of President Uchtdorf's words, I may just have a chance. I choose to live up to my potential.

Adventure #22: Change

"I can't help but notice, that for someone who doesn't like change, you rearrange your room a lot." ~Kathryn Gardner

I cut my hair. I moved to Provo. I tried to switch to the new Pinterest before they did it for me. And I did rearrange my room.

I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would have liked me to mention this sooner and also more personally. Rearranging my room is a big step and I neglected many in the effort. I do apologize for the informality of this route but I've been holding out on the subject area to write about it now. A part of me might have been frightened to bring it up; we learned in my last post that when I announce something, it becomes concrete to the point of scary real. The craziness? I feel okay, even calm. Glad I finally put it out there about rearranging my room!

So...the real reason I've brought you here today is to inform you of my move to Provo. It's new and exciting and I never thought I'd EVER leave Cedar City. But here I am, writing from my new apartment in Provo, UT, jobless and inexperienced, having never lived away from my hometown. And I feel CALM??? Honestly, it's freaking me out that I'm not freaking out! (I still think that if I wait just a couple more days a freak out will happen but I've been saying that to myself for the last month!)

And since I'm not having a come apart, now seems like a good time to talk about my feelings on change. I will NEVER hug the couch - but - I'm continually learning that, "All stories, even the ones we love, must eventually come to an end and when they do, it's only an opportunity for another story to begin."

So begins a new story for me...a change that I chose for myself. So as Katie pointed out in the quote above, I don't like change (like when my parents got their new, uncomfortable couch) but I do like to rearrange my room A LOT! And that's the difference - we don't have power over all change that happens in our lives but we have power enough to cope.

And if ever you find me rearranging my room, it probably means I'm unsettled about something out of my control. Happy changes to all!!!