Frustration with humanity has been a thing for me lately and I've been trying to figure out why. At work the other day, I was so frustrated that I was in tears. I would have crawled under my desk to get away from the world except I was the only there to answer the phones at the time (sometimes responsibility is very grounding. Other times (the majority of the time), I wish I could escape it). Nevertheless, I was rooted there until relief came.
The cause of such a state was a boss's boss lecturing me on how to put people on hold. The matter seems truly trivial at this point...but back then it was a last straw sort of moment. And the rest of the day did not get any better. But somewhere in the day, perhaps an hour or so later, I had an epiphany - what I've been calling a miracle moment.
Somewhere between wanting to crawl under my desk, crying and flipping a table to storm out, I realized it didn't actually bother me. Or at least I knew that I was in a position to not let it bother me. I was doing my best and I will continue to do so as long as I work there. And while I still did get lost on occasion through the intensity of certain phone calls and conflicting demands, that realization carried me through the rest of the day. I love that even in the worst of days there are miracle moments.
Amid processing this, my thoughts went to the question: "What makes him more important that me? And why, for the love of mustard, is putting people on hold such a big deal?" But mostly the first question. In the grand scheme of things, neither him nor I have even an ounce of importance. That's when the scripture above came to mind. And I remember feeling similar to Moses, in that I never had supposed the nothingness of man to that degree.
These were the thoughts that freed me that day. I was surprised at just how freeing it was to be nothing and to realize I wasn't any more or less as all the other humans. Because this also led to discovering that even if I am nothing, I am something to the Being that is everything. To be loved by Someone so much bigger than myself must mean I'm okay or at least I have plenty of potential to be.
Mostly it was just nice to level the playing field and to learn that, just as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
