Adventure #55: Transitioning

"You ready?" - Lorelai
"No." - Rory
"You ready?" - Lorelai
"Yes." - Rory
(Gilmore Girls)

In classes to become an elementary school teacher, we are advised to give children time to transition from one activity to the next. This is usually done with a procedure set up at the start of the year and is consistently followed so that students are trained and comfortable with the process but also so that learning moves at a fluid pace and less time is wasted...in theory.

Something similar has been used on me. Several of my friends have instigated the use of "transition words." Perhaps, they thought I was unaware that it was time to leave or say good night or whatever. But I was always aware, just unwilling to remove myself from the comforting presence of one I love. Each one, though, knew it was necessary and thoughtfully prepared me for the goodbye. And, even though I didn't want to be any sort of burden or inconvenience, each transition word, whether 'okay' or 'alright' or 'therefore,' came with a twinge of sadness.

I'm grateful, however, for the warning. In fact, the use of transition words became a tool for me. Like a child given the five minute signal, I knew I had a limited time to say or do the important things before the goodbye. This example has been portrayed on a grander scale for me this year. 2016 has been the year of 'prepare yourself' and every other month seemed to have had a drawn out 'soooo' attached to it.

I don't know if I've made the best use of my transitional periods or not. Even if you know you have one or two or four months before your friend is leaving, how can you know the time you were given was used adequately? Even if your parents are moving a month from now and you're not freaking out yet (which is a reaction everyone expects of you, even yourself), in fact you're excited for them, what happens when the freak out comes?

I've done more this year to change my life than any year previous. Starting Kung Fu, asking a boy out on a date, moving (same city, just a change of scenery), reading several books on boundaries and beginning to apply unheard of concepts, encouraging my best friend to move (and then discouraging it because I'm confusing and a conundrum and selfish), encouraging my parents to move (and as mentioned not panicking yet...) I'm proud of what's happened, both what I've done for myself and how I've handled things that come my way.

Mercifully, I have had transitional periods for all of these things though. They were built up to and I was able to rely on a step-by-step nature to the major changes especially. I can say I wasn't always graceful; I can definitely say I had stubborn moments, still do even. I can also attest to the fact that as I was willing to listen, God prepared me for each step. And He has been with me through everything -EVERYTHING - to get me here.

But this is a lesson that I'm relearning constantly. Life happens in transitional periods. Change is always looming but Heavenly Father prepares us if we align ourselves with His will. I can feel changes still coming but He always sends a transition word. And if I'm listening, I'll hear it and be prepared for all the adventures ahead.

Adventure #54: Messiness

It’s been a while and because of that, this entry is going to sound somewhat like a giant excuse but honestly, I’ve been pondering this for at least 3 months now. So here’s an obscure thought for the day.

“Life is messy, and we’re all a little screwed up in our own special snowflake kind of way.” - Mark Manson

Maybe it’s just part of growing up but I feel more and more confused all the time. I’ve hit the point where I’m trying to escape my own brain because the thinking going on is muddled and difficult and not producing the results I would like. I don’t know if this actually is because of the whole growing up thing or not but I’m going to blame it on that. Basically, everything I dislike I blame on “growing up.”

My point, you ask?

Life is messy. And much messier than I could have imagined. I might have had second thoughts about growing up if I had realized that NOTHING would make sense and clarity is the biggest myth of them all.

However, I am convinced that the greatest beauty is found in this mess. Diamond Rio sang it this way, “This morning I put salt in my coffee. I put my shoes on the wrong feet. Losing my mind, I swear….What a beautiful mess, what a beautiful mess I’m in.”

And that’s what we all face here.

Confusion.

Blurred lines.

Doubt.

GLORIOUS MESSINESS.

Life is made of these things. But it’s also designed for us to overcome these. And after 27 years, I’m finally starting to figure that out. I thought I’d had adventures before but it looks like there’s many more coming that I’m sure I’ll enjoy.

Enjoy your adventures!

Adventure #53: Being a Palmer

"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to." - W.C. Fields

No one knows who or what they're going to be before they are born. Parents can dream and imagine for you...maybe you'll be a genius, maybe an athlete, maybe a genius athlete. But at the very beginning, it's all undetermined. Except one thing: your name. I'm not referencing a first name but the name you have in common with parents and grandparents and various others who came before. As for myself, I'm a proud Palmer.

I didn't realize how proud until recently. I suppose weddings bring out all sorts of emotions, including pride and gratitude. Looking around the temple to see uncles, aunts, and cousins is a special sight. And it got me thinking...how blessed am I?

The answer? So blessed!

I was given the opportunity to grow up surrounded by this amazing extended family. Every Sunday spent at Grandma and Grandpa's - playing with cousins, being teased by uncles, laughing with aunts. Camping, fishing, adventuring - all of that time spent connecting and exploring truly important aspects of life. I realize not every moment was sunshine and rainbows but no matter what happened, we all seemed to realize we were in this together. And that has given me much to think about over the course of my life.

In many ways, I have been shaped by these interactions. I've seen kindness and humor shared. I've seen how each of my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins accept and embrace the people they come in contact with. I've watched how they deal with tragedy and disappointment in a realistic but faithful manner. They are the type of people who can make the best of any situation and choose to in every situation. Hundreds or thousands of my most memorable moments have been spent with the Palmer's.

I wish I could take the time required to adequately relay the lifetime of those moments. But each Sunday afternoon spent in Grandma and Grandpa's backyard is its own adventure. And the Saturdays of fishing trips, Easter camping outings, 4th of July and Labor Day parades, BBQ's, birthdays, get togethers just because we missed each other... I treasure every second spend in the presence of these glorious humans.

It doesn't seem like enough to just thank the whole family for being such a positive influence in my life. I hope to one day individualize that message. But for now know that I love and respect each of you. I admire your generosity and perseverance. And, as a Palmer, I am who I am because how each of you have touched my life.

I am enjoying my adventures with you all and I hope you are too. 

Adventure #52: Christmas Carols

"Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled." -Hark! The Herald Angels Sing

Singing at our ward Christmas party was a rare treat. It was simple and low-key and full of joy. We sang everything from "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" to "O Holy Night." The unplanned nature of the time spent caroling around the piano made it feel like a family gathered just to celebrate the joyful season. And perhaps it was these circumstances that were the perfect setting for the thoughts that came as we sang "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing."

The line written above had been sung by me probably once a year since I could sing. But I've never realized quite what it meant. And, especially what it meant to me. To be reconciled is one of the best feelings I've ever experienced. And what must it be like to be reconciled with my Creator! I've had glimpses of what that's like and I look forward to its completion. I recognize that such glimpses are due to the Savior that came and His part in bridging God and sinners. It wouldn't be possible to feel that peace and joy without Him.

This is a familiar testimony, stated many times throughout the world and the ages. And for me it continues to grow, influenced by those around me and the testimony they share, like in the instance of singing carols with my lovely ward which led to realizing what it means for God and sinners to be reconciled. So this Christmas season and as we start another year afresh, I just would like to add a few of my thoughts. 

I know that our Savior and Redeemer was born into this world to bridge us sinners with the Lord Omnipotent. That through His saving grace and infinite atonement, we can always start again, be renew, and be reconciled. As we allow Him into our lives, He has the chance to guide and strengthen us and give us opportunities to grow that we can experience in no other way. He is the source of peace for this earth and is the bridge and key to our return to our Heavenly Father.

May He bless all your adventures for the coming year!

Adventure #51: Fairytales

"Sandwiched between their 'Once Upon A Time' and 'Happily Ever After' they all experience great adversity." ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Sometimes I wonder if people are even paying attention. And then, I realize how many things I miss on a daily basis. Only one conclusion can be reached: I know no one is paying attention. One such instant blindsided me. I was sitting in a marriage-prep class (a rare moment itself) and the teacher begins criticizing fairytales. By the of the "discussion" on "unrealistic expectations" and "you can't marry someone to change them," I was convinced she'd never actually watched or read a fairytale in her life.

Whether or not she had is somewhat irrelevant because her words lit a fire in my mind. Agree or disagree, she'd gotten me thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know). Isn't that the goal of all teachers? So research and ponder, I did!

When I hit upon the quote above, I started relating all fairytales I knew to it (mostly Disney but a few others). In these stories, before anyone even got close to a Happily Ever After, there were floors to be scrubbed and dishes to wash. There was yelling and crying and hiding. There was pain and loss (I'm talking about more than just shoes here, people). They faced malice and opposition and misunderstandings. They were under-appreciated and under-estimated. The couples were often separated and had to search and fight to be reunited.

Perhaps, in the end, each of the couples could have benefitted from some couples counseling but, having faced adversity before their Happily Ever After began, meant that they already knew they were stronger together. And, with that in mind, they were in no way disillusioned that life would be sunshine and rainbows from that point on - we just didn't have access to that part of the story. Through this they learned to face whatever came...together.

If memory serves, one of the teacher's points in this section of the lesson was, "Don't marry the Beast because you think you can change him." I agree with the statement but it doesn't actually fit the story. The Beast had already been changed and he was suffering because of it. While it took some effort, patience, and kindness on the part of Belle, she saw the goodness of the soul behind the aching facade. This in no way excuses his behavior - he could have treated Belle and others around him much better. He could have reacted much better to his situation than he did. But aren't we all guilty of that?

What happens if we just believe in the people around us?

Surprises, in the form of miracles, happen constantly.

I understand that all of this changes based on the circumstances but fairytales exist to help us learn to face whatever comes. That, in these varying circumstances, no matter how scary, we can be brave and true and, most of all, kind. We should gather from their adventures what wisdom we can and apply that wisdom as we enjoy our adventures. And, this is what that teacher seemed to have missed entirely.

Adventure #50: I'm Back!

"Sometimes the best way to appreciate something is to be without it for a while."

Because of my absence the past couple months, I've decided to write a post every week this month instead of just once. My goal is every Monday in November (since that covers my usual day - the 9th). So keep an eye out. As for today, here's a thought that started sometime in October about a few things I've missed!

Here's the dumb thing about today: Nostalgia. Every year, about this time - in the autumns of infinite promise - this longing begins anew. It doesn't crave any specific place or time but instead yearns for those whose lives intertwined with mine but have since ceased. I get nostalgic for people.

Most often, I'm grateful for this remembrance. I look at my life knowing I was blessed, even for a moment, by the influence of these glorious people. And, then my heart recognizes the loss. The love for them echoes through the space left there by our interactions.

I miss playing Star Wars Stratego with you and riding our bikes to the library and swimming pool. And, how you knew my mind and heart and considered me.

I miss texting you in every instant that we couldn't be together. And, how you'd used our nicknames and inside jokes so entirely. And, our superhero moments and how comfortable we were at our best.

I miss the Norweigian you wrote with the magnets on our fridge and making mango cookies. And, how you would say, "What had happened was..." And, your opinions on films and how we could talk about that stuff for so long.

There are more. There are SO many more! Because I have been loved and have been blessed to love. I know that is why I long for people. And, I'm grateful to be missing you.

Adventure #49: Guest Post - Storytelling

by Sharon Palmer

This was a blog post on my “50 Things to do While I am 50” Blog written three years
ago. It is as pertinent today as it was then. Enjoy.

It has long been my opinion that God is the greatest storyteller. He is the example for the rest of us
storytellers. He creates his characters, a world for them to populate, and gives them a problem to solve. He knows the beginning and the end of the story and, through the gift of their free agency, allows His characters to write the middle. Just when His characters are feeling good about themselves and the world they live in, He throws in plot twists to help them grow and discover more about themselves and their world, and ultimately to become like Him, a divine creator of stories.

I suppose, thinking about it, in any act of creation, be it storytelling, art, music, or imaginative play, God would be that greatest. Each subject has its medium, its own laws to govern the project, its own point where the creator spins it into being, guiding it, never forcing it, to its completion. We all know that a project that is forced rings false. Truth is the purpose of creation.

Any of us who have participated in a creation realize that God is not a manipulator. WE, as creators, are not manipulators. The story, the painting, the sculpture, the symphony, has a say in its own creation. It is no accident that creators say their pieces speak to them or uncover themselves to the creators.

As a creator I am delighted when my creation takes on a life of its own and surprises me with ideas that I hadn’t considered, but once presented, make sense and the story couldn’t be as wonderful without them.

I am grateful that I have the opportunity to create. It is the closest thing to being God that I have. Well, except for being a parent, which is a whole other blog post.



Author Biography:

Sharon Palmer is a Speech-Language Pathologist, a freelance writer, and a philosophical wonderer. She has a husband and three daughters who keep her grounded and on the moral straight and narrow. You can find her philosophical wonderings at alighttotheworld.blogspot.com.