Adventure #17: Emotions

“I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ~ Oscar Wilde

In relation to emotions, I've been wondering what way is the best to respond to them. There seems to be two schools of thought in my life on this topic.

• Experience each emotion as it comes, good and bad, just let them consume you.
• Ignore bad emotions completely, shun them, push them away entirely.

 Such views are not comprehensive. In fact, I believe that neither one is wholly right.

Problem with #1: Like the quote above states, this leaves a person at the mercy of one's emotions. That may work if you never have to interact with others but it's difficult to be a part of a society if you have no idea what your emotional state may be at a given instant.

Problem with #2: A person attempting this drastically increases the risk of becoming numb, of essentially turning off a range of their humanity. The saddest part is, without the bad, the experience of the good is decreased. Loving is harder, joy is lessened, and life becomes blah itself.

Acquired from discoveries of late, I've learned that I quite agree with Mr. Wilde's sentiments. I want to use my emotions - enjoy them - dominate them. To do this, I think I'll practice a balance of the two strategies I've discussed here as well look into new approaches to embracing the emotional struggle that is being human.

Good luck to all of you out there doing the same!

Adventure #16: I Love You

When you say, I love you, you are making a promise with someone else’s heart, try to honor it. 

 I - When said, you incorporate yourself. This is where the commitment starts and you are making the commitment. It's you; you are promising something, something beautiful and dangerous. The power of this undertaking is real and is made personal by the inclusion of yourself.

Love - In a basic English class, we learn that this is a verb. Simply, this is what we do. Since actions speak louder than words, the act of confessing love, on whatever level, is the start of an excellent expedition. In order to fulfill such, your actions must envelop you, consume you, until you cease to be. During the journey of loving another person, you become love itself.

You - They are the most important part; whoever receives your words is the most important part. By your words, you are connecting hearts and joining destinies for even just an instant. It is in these instances, the beauty and danger arise. As the quote says, you are making a promise with someone else's heart. While it isn't always easy to live up to this, the only joy you'll have is in the adventure of love.

Adventure #15: Running Away Versus Walking Away

Running away from problems or troubles will make you fall into another problem or trouble. ~Raghav Singh  versus Sometimes you just gotta hold your head, smile, and walk away. ~Unknown

Is there a difference between running away from something and walking away from something? For instance, facing a life-altering decision and instead of making it, run away.... Or facing the same decision, walk away. With this concept in mind, is one or the other better? 

For whatever reason, I've always viewed running away as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Not facing a problem because it's unbearable and therefore running, fast and far. No thought of returning; no indication of the future ahead.

Walking away removes the permanence, instead giving a problem necessary distance but the opportunity for a tomorrow. A length of time in which one thinks and redirects; enough that it gives the solver a moment or day or week of contemplative perspective.

However, my thoughts are not conclusive and now I wonder what others think. What do you think?

Adventure #14: Appearance

Beware, so long as you live, of judging men by their outward appearance.  ~Jean de La Fontaine

I don't want to be pretty...I don't want to be ugly...I want to be myself. This is a battle I've faced my whole life. I acknowledge that this is a plight of human nature and that to be "oneself" many people improve their appearance. That's great for them; but I won't.

People have entered my life mostly in simple ways; many of them have helped me to be a better person. Most have helped me to be smarter. Many have made me laugh. Several have introduced new things that I can no longer live without. And a select few did decide that it was their responsibility to make me more "myself" with make-up, hair-dos, and new clothes. I realize that they had good intentions but I feel that they didn't know the real me because if they did, there would have been no need for their "improvements." As hard as they tried, nearly nothing they did has stuck.

This isn't to say I haven't changed or improved; I think I've done plenty of both. But all of that has happened on my own terms, at least terms I'm comfortable with. And now I've arrived at my point - if you're not you on your own terms, then you are selling out. This idea is how I've always felt. Yes, be yourself. Yes, be beautiful, if that's who you are. Yes, be plain, if that's who you are. But always BE you.

So, as for me, I'm not myself if I do my hair every day. I'm not myself if I even wear mascara. I'm not myself if I spend more than twenty minutes in the bathroom to get ready for the day. But that's just me. And, all I want is to be myself.

Adventure #13: Being Scared

Fear:  False Evidence Appearing Real. ~Author Unknown

When I was 16, I was scared to get my driver's license. I almost refused to learn to drive. Looking back now, it is one of my greatest blessings to know how to drive. Driving is also one of my favorite things to do! 

Similarly, I recently graduated from Southern Utah University with a degree in Elementary Education. I'm scared of getting a job teaching. Right now, the prospect seems the most terrifying of anything I could be doing. But I wonder if I just do it (as Nike says), maybe teaching will turn into something I love as much as driving.

But this is only one type of being scared.

As far as being scared by something jumping out or some such thing, one of my favorite and least favorite stories can be used to explain. I once went camping with a group of girls to my friend's cabin. This cabin had an outhouse which seemed like no big deal until it was dark and I had to use it. Swallowing what seemed like irrational fears, I walk over to the outhouse, open the latched door, and look upon a dummy (who's name, i found out later, is Maestro). Well, I didn't even react out loud...my heart was pounding...i nearly peed my pants...but I didn't make a noise. And instead just returned to the fire.

Still I had business to do! Since I didn't make a noise, no one knew I'd been over there. So when I mentioned that I still needed to use the outhouse, one of the other girls suggest I 'just do it' (again Nike). Well, my retort was snappy, "Why don't you do it?" Very clever on my part, I'd say. She walked over, open the latched door, and screamed! Her reaction got the attention of everyone. Once calmed down, my part of the story was told, consoled, and mocked. I did get to use it finally but refused until the dummy was hundreds of feet away.

There have been many other times I've experience fear of one type or another.

But the thing I'll never understand is people scaring themselves for fun. Last year with a group composed of roommates and friends, we decided to go to a haunted corn maze - that we had to wait in line for like 2 hours to get into. So, not only were we facing scaring ourselves, we also had to wait and not change our minds. I don't know about the rest of the world but my imagination is the worst part of these experiences. Though I think at least of my roommates would agreed because she was screaming and running away from things before we even entered the maze (and yes, this roommate attached herself to my other roommate who still has a scar from the experience).

My long-winded point is: all of these stories illustrate a key point that Nike summed up this way - Just Do It! Getting a driver's license, starting a career, using a scary outhouse, and waiting for hours to get through a haunted corn maze...In the end, after getting past resistance and for best results, DOn't quIT!

Adventure #12: Double Stuffed Cookies

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.  ~Barbara Jordan

In preparation for a thought I was to give in an Institute class, I asked a friend what subject I should discuss. She knew the class was focused on the writings of Isaiah but seeing as we were eating E.L. Fudge Double Stuffed cookies at the time, she proceeds to concoct an object lesson based on these cookies. Needless to say, I liked the idea. As much as I liked it, I could not find a suitable scripture in Isaiah to fit with the lesson. Sadly, I did not end up using it in class. However, as you can see, I kept it to present here.

Her object lesson boils down to one statement:

"If you want your life to be sweeter, double stuff it with spiritual pursuits."

 

 At the time, I thought it was clever and mildly amusing. Today I still agree with that assessment but can add a measure of support to the truthfulness of the statement. Recently, I've made an effort to bring more of the Spirit into my life. I can say that my life may not have gotten magically (or miraculously) easier and I still face many of the same problems but my life is sweeter. Sunrises and sunsets seem brighter and more colorful. A warm brownie is heaven in each bite. Smiles glow, laughter rings, and people cause my heart to feel light. There's a gentle softness to the world where so often before there was only pain.

And that is the miracle of Double Stuffed Cookies.

Adventure #11: The Hair Guidelines

Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself.  ~Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

I'm not entirely sure what the quote above means, at least in relation to myself but the following is a list that is meant for those like me who don't understand spending hours a week on one's hair.

The Hair Guidelines:

1. Pray before you begin.
2. Fill your stomach also before you begin.
3. If you run out of time because of #1 and #2, at least you did the two most important parts first!
4. If you didn't run out of time, by all means, continue on!
5. Choose a hair style that won't discourage you.
6. If #3 is impossible, comb it out, take a walk, breathe - it's just hair.
7. If #3 is possible, congratulations! You've done something I've never been able to accomplish - do share your secret!
8. Once a hair style is chosen, pursue that "perfect look."
9. When it doesn't look like the picture on the Internet, don't dismay! You've had an adventure! And I'd hazard a guess that you could start a trend with your new look.
10. Finally, tomorrow, just do #1 and #2!

Take luck!