Adventure #44: Averageness

"Being average means you are as close to the bottom as you are to the top." ~John Wooden

I guess I've always thought I am average. At everything I do in my life and as a person in general. Or at least I've thought that I'm not exceptional at anything, especially not any one thing. So I've always thought that meant I'm average.

Average intelligence.
Average abilities.
Average human.

Recently, it has been proposed that being average is unacceptable. Like a couple days ago in General Conference:

"There is no room for average or complacent disciples. Average is the enemy of excellence, and average commitment will prevent you from enduring to the end."

Hearing that, I nearly gave up right then. If average is the "enemy of excellence," then I must be the lowest sort of scum on the earth. Within the idea of being average, I have believed also that exceptional was out of my reach. This led to thinking that average is all I will ever be and by default enduring to the end isn't even in the range of my possibilities.

At that time, I felt discouraged and so I quit listening. I thought: I'm not enough and how could I ever be? In that attitude, I continued with my day. But Heavenly Father must have been watching. I can only guess that He might have thrown up His arms whilst shaking His head at my condition. Because then I can imagine Him smiling at an idea. And this is what followed.

I found myself with a few rare moments of alone time with my mother, who I found out quickly, felt similarly discouraged to this idea of average. We discussed how our expectations for ourselves are so high that excellence is virtually unattainable and we should probably take it a little easier on ourselves. Especially when hearing direction like above, we should take stock of our situation and attitude but not jump automatically to the conclusion that this message was obviously to let us know how much we are failing. Because we're not. We're really not.

Sharon Palmer is not a woman I would ever label as average. She is a remarkable person - wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, etc. Pianist, vocalist, chorister, speech therapist, teacher, writer, Relief Society president, etc. I mean, she earned her Master's degree while working full-time as a speech therapist and keeping her family going. She's written numerous books - some of them more than once. She taught piano off and on all through my growing up. She's always attended our events - concerts, games, etc. She welcomes anyone into her home - sometimes to stay. There were times when she carried our family. Other times she has been known to drag our family. Basically, she's essential to our family! And, she doesn't seem to do anything by halves. She has wisdom and determination beyond her years and silliness to relate to any age. My mom is an EXCEPTIONAL woman.

So when we started discussing how similarly we felt about our "averageness," I was mildly surprised. But it helped me realize that I wasn't alone in this. It even made sense for it to be my mom who I could relate to entirely on this. In this discussion then, we asked, "What is average? How is that even determined?" For me, this is a crucial point. Since we are advised not to compare, average must be determined on a personal level. We each have within us average and exceptional so we have to discover it for ourselves.

What is my average then?

I feel like I bring more questions to these writings than answers. Because I don't yet have a complete answer to what my average is. But I have realized that I'm doing better than I thought. I know I can still improve. I have exceptional and average moments still but I don't think I'm failing like I'd concluded before. I will also continue to look into averages so that I can understand where my excellence begins.

But for now, I guess the real point of this exposition was to brag on my brilliant mother a bit. And to inform anyone else reading this, with similar feelings of average and excellence, that you are doing much better than you think. I'd go so far as to advise acknowledging your excellence! You are exceptional humans! Give yourself a break because you are doing such good work and enjoying your adventures! As it should be!

Adventure #43: Living Joyfully

"Happiness here and now consists in freely, lovingly, joyfully acknowledging God's will for us -- and doing it in all ways and all affairs big and small." ~ Ezra Taft Benson

*SPOILER ALERT* For the Provo YSA 138th ward (especially its Relief Society members), this is a preview of my RS lesson for this coming Sunday. Do not continue reading if you want that to remain a complete mystery. If you'd like to know a bit of what's heading your way, please keep reading. Thank you.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

If you've ever read You Are Special by Max Lucado, then you know all about gray dots and gold stars and what they mean when another Wemmick sticks them to you. If you haven't read it, then I recommend a read and then a re-read. However, I'm going to proceed with this entry as if you have all read it.

Recently, my days have been filled with gray dots. And, I must admit that many, many of these gray dots have stuck to me. Saturday was an especially dense gray dot day. Possibly of my own design and I said such to my roommate who then said this:

"Hon, they're not your idea, they're Satan's. He's the one who wants you to feel bad about yourself. I mean, I totally understand feeling down because of any of those things. But just remember that no matter how tough things are in the moment, you'll outlast them!"

Spectacular wisdom, wouldn't you say? I do. And as I've been preparing my lesson for this week, I found that Pres. Benson also agrees. This is what he said:

"There are times when you simply have to righteously hang on and outlast the devil until his depressive spirit leaves you."

Both of these astute people direct our attention to the fact that some of what we think isn't our own creation. Do we really want to think badly of ourselves? I know I don't but up to this point hadn't ever made that connection. I recognize have the choice to accept this negativity or reject it for the light that Heavenly Father will let in once I do. Like Eli in You Are Special, He will always be there to show us how He feels about us - no gray dots or gold stars matter to Him. Beyond that, nothing Satan says to us can even touch what our great Creator knows about us individually.

Now I would also like to point out that Lindsay, the roommate who gave the advice above, is also in charge of assigning teachers in Relief Society. I was picked for this lesson less than 24 hours after she gave me that original advice.

I haven't asked her yet, so I don't know but there's a chance she read the lesson and applied her knowledge here. However, this isn't the first time that her advice and point of view has been so exactly on-target. From this experience and many before, I acknowledge that she is both bright and brilliant and also chooses to rely on our Heavenly Father to direct her words and actions for the benefit of all she encounters. And therefore, I sense a divine fingerprint integral in the arranging of these circumstances.

So how do we live joyfully? Free from grays dots and gold stars? Be like Punchinello - visit your Maker every day. Reject the negativity thrown at you from the deceiver. As is unavoidable, when you find yourself in those moments of despair, remember that you will outlast the devil. And, anytime you are willing to turn to your Father in Heaven, He is waiting for you with open arms. These are just a few of the adventures we are here to enjoy!

Adventure #42: Superheroes

“Superheroes were born in the minds of people desperate to be rescued.” ~ Jodi Picoult

I've always wanted to have super abilities. Flight. Invisibility. Telekinesis. The possibilities are endless and I'm stuck a limited mortal. One that has no potential to ever develop shape-shifting powers or super strength. I guess I could volunteer to be tested on, maybe get shot with some gamma rays or bit by a radioactive spider. But that isn't entirely conceivable. So for now - until I find a realistic option - I'll continue to pretend.

Of course, pretending is how I found my alter ego in the first place. Super Shadow has always been the better side of me. Ever since I stole my Young Women President's jacket at Girl's Camp and wore it around my neck like a cape anyway. Due to following Jen (Sister Christiansen) around that summer, I became Shadow. Snitching the jacket made me Super. I spent those days "flying" around camp - preparing meals, running errands, and creating general happiness. I felt super; I acted super.

And so I've been able to recreate this other days in my life as well. Through being Super Shadow, I've had a rare opportunity to be the type of hero I wish my every day person was. Much like what Pres. Uchtorf said:

"...we all have the capacity to be everyday heroes. Real heroes are those who try their best to inspire, uplift, and improve the lives of others, and who seek to love their fellowmen as the Lord loves them." 

It's a place to start at least. Inspiring and uplifting are, in large part, why we look to superheroes in our lives. Captain America, Batman, Thor, Wonder Woman, etc represent the power for good we desire to create in this dreary world. My goal then is to use Super Shadow to improve the lives around me. And, I hope that in some way my super-ness shines.

At least until the day, I am able to start moving things with my mind anyway. Then I'll have even more adventures to enjoy!

“Superpowers, don't always make you a superhero.” ~ Michael Grant

Adventure# 41: Advice

For a few months I've been pondering some advice from a wise friend of mine. I thought I'd share her wise words.

"One thing that I really do believe, is that when you do what's best for yourself, it ends up being what's best for others as well. I know change isn't comfortable for you, but I think you're safe in embracing it. :)" 

-Hilary Wilson

I'm still working out all the ways this applies to my life right now. And since I appreciated Hilary's assurance of my safety in change, I figured someone out there might benefit from her wisdom as well. Hope you're all continuing to enjoy your adventures!

Adventure #40: Kindness of Strangers

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

My first day at SUU went as expected...a morning full of syllabi designed only to heighten one's stress. As I walked to my job, I reviewed in my mind the semester's worth of work that had been presented in 3 hours. I felt the work weighing on me, not yet having realized these assignments would come one at a time. With each step, I felt more and more alone in the college experience. As I was wondering what I had taken on and how to get out of it, a girl walking my way caught my attention.

She smiled as she introduced herself and turned to walk with me. Her name was Megan. We exchanged small talk about the start of classes, which included the information that this was my first semester. I suspect she already had a sense of that because she was continually upbeat in the conversation. And, without even really knowing me, she reassured me that I could handle whatever college would throw at me.

Then she left and I went to work. After that day, I saw her a few more times on campus. I'm not sure she ever recognized me but remembering her encouragement continues to bring a smile to my face.

This is the power we all have. A power to serve in whatever capacity we find ourselves. If we pay attention, we will see these opportunities to connect with others.

Fast forward about 3 years, I'm still going to SUU. I've moved off campus with some awesome roommates but our apartment is not far enough to make driving worth it. However, on the rainiest day of the year, I would have disagreed. And, even though the apartment was in sight, being completely soaked left me rather cranky.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an umbrella open as my neighbor ran out of her house toward me. I'm amazed how quickly emotions can be flipped. As she approached, my heart swelled with gratitude, where as a moment before I was griping about how wet I was. Cassie held the umbrella for me and mentioned that she would have been out sooner if she'd seen me. I chuckled because her act was already beyond the range of usual human interaction.

We talked until we reached my doorstep. I thanked her and walked in my house with a smile. Out the front window, I watched her run back to her house, thinking about how blessed I was.

How many people do that? See a near stranger out in the storm and rush out to provide whatever assistance they can. But how simple is it to do? I still need to invest in an umbrella for such times!

The start of the following year was one of the worst. My grandma died within a week of New Year's. If there's any person I want to be like, it is her. Geneal Palmer was clever and kind and creative. She radiated positivity, even through the difficulties she faced. My world was a darker place without her. And, I know this applies to anyone who knew her.

During the semester that followed, I started an Institute class. I don't remember which one for sure but the second day of that class, I walked out to find one of the nurses that had helped take care of Grandma. Nicole asked me how Grandma was doing, to which I answered honestly. Nicole expressed her sympathy and added, "She was a great lady, kind to all of us. It was a pleasure to work with her."

I definitely agreed. Well, she gave me a hug and headed to class. And, even though I was sad, it was a refreshing reminder of the goodness I come from.

These are only three examples of the kindnesses I've seen in my life. And, I've been blessed by many more. With this, I'd like to issue a challenge today - take a moment to reflect on the kindness of strangers in your own life. Then go out and pass it on. I promise you adventures if you do.

Enjoy them.

Adventure #39: When Things Go Wrong...Ultimate Edition

"We're a thousand miles from comfort. We have traveled land and sea. But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be." ~ Rather Be, by Clean Bandit

You may have enjoyed when I locked my keys in the car. You may have followed that up with the night my battery died. I should have written about my starter going out and that towing adventure - never park underground at the library. But with everything I've been through with Merlin Perry the First, I figured I'd write about the final journey of that car.

A secondary title for this adventure should be (especially since it is Thanksgiving):

I'm Grateful for My Friend Katie

I'm glad it was Katie I was with before, during, and after the accident. If your car is going to hit a snow/ice patch on the freeway, spin a couple times, hit a barrier, and end up in the median area, it'd best be with someone who will laugh and cry with you through it. Someone who will swear through the scary parts (you'll have to ask her specifics, if you're interested - she tells great stories!). This same someone will alternate being under control then stressed, switching off with you throughout the adventure. And this was MFK for me. She brought me a blanket and Yoda, she talked about boys to keep us distracted, and kept up a list of firsts for the evening.

I've started calling this the "Miracle Accident" in my head for many reasons. When I went to clean out my car, I saw another car from the same night. Compared to that car (hood completely smashed in and air bags deployed), my car looked like Lightning Mcqueen with the parking boot...at least that's what I imagined when I saw the front wheel. So with cartoon reference in mind, it was still a miracle we walked away. And to me, that was all that mattered. Everything else was details to be handled as they came. MFK was alive, she was fine, she was safe. I am still grateful for that.

With car inoperable, we spent a night in Scipio - at the Scipio hotel in fact (Quiet, Clean, and Comfortable). It was a nice place, especially compared to standing in the median while snow loomed ominously. We got ready for bed, put in White Christmas, and fell asleep as best we could. And when the middle of the night came, and sleep chose to evade me, I was grateful to know my best friend was nearby.

The rest of the weekend came and went. We still went to Cedar, where we figured out how to get me places for the week. Two more aspects of the "Miracle" part factored in here. MFK had started carpooling to work and was able to loan me her car for a few days. This was a blessing for me as was starting work at a dealership, which got me a new car relatively smoothly. Miracles all around! And the day I got my new car, MFK graciously gave me a ride to work at Ridiculous o'clock on a Saturday morning. She is truly the best to do that for me!

That was the end of Merlin Perry the First for me. And I've recently returned from another trip to Cedar - uneventful, comparatively. So Merlin Perry the Second works great and I certainly missed my road trip buddy! MFK, when you read this, I'm blessed to have you in my life and this continues to be proven every day.

Enjoy your adventures!

Adventure #38: The Harry Potter Clause

"Who says you can't go home? There's only one place they call me one of their own...There's only one place left I want to go! Who says you can't go home?" ~ Bon Jovi

In Harry Potter, we find out that Harry has to return to the Dursleys once a year to keep his mother's love protecting him. As long as he can call it home, he can renew that protective charm.

I've realized recently that I have a similar enchantment in effect on me. Only I need to go home once a month to renew it. 

Perhaps, that's a exaggeration but when I couldn't make it back to Cedar for 2+ months, I was struggling. And, maybe I can go longer and still be okay. But I know - I experienced it - that I do better when I regularly return home.

Why is that? I'm not entirely sure. Though I do know that I love it there more than any place on earth. And some of my favorite people live there. Often I get to take other favorite people with me! There isn't much else required to recharge - my favorite place and some of my favorite people. 

And every visit is a reminder that, no matter what happens in life, I can always go home.