Adventure #58: Gratitude

"Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~Melody Beattie

It's been a debate for a few days now whether to put this up or not. But in the end, I decided it was worth sharing for anyone who wanted to be there but couldn't make it. These are a few of my thoughts on gratitude. Thank you for reading them (but sorry about the length...haha...). Enjoy your adventures!

Hello everyone! While I am somewhat excited to be up here, my nerves have now had over a month to build, so I will admit right now that I’m far more nervous today than I would have been four weeks ago but we’ll get through this together and see how this goes.

My name is Melody. I typically introduce myself with a list of three random things about me that apply somewhere in my talk. I’m going to do something similar but considering I was assigned to speak on gratitude, I’m going to list three things I’m grateful for instead.

●     I am grateful for Star Wars. Lightsabers, the Force, everything.

●     I am grateful for Chinese food. It’s definitely among my favorites.

●     I am grateful for Isaiah. I’ve always found comfort and guidance in his words.

As mentioned, I was asked to speak on gratitude. So one would think that I’d take this opportunity to express my appreciation for this chance, right? Objectively, this is the perfect moment for that kind of sentiment - that I would be grateful to be standing here today. That sort of statement has just a hint of irony because of the topic and would show how clever I can be as well as set a good example leading into a discussion of the importance and power of gratitude - which I absolutely believe in, by the way. However, in this circumstance, I’m not going to say that I’m grateful to be standing here (even though it turns out I really am). However, I won’t say it at this time because I can tell you that accepting this request was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. And I’ll briefly explain why.

Imagine this: Several Sundays ago, I was sitting at our kitchen table, cry-venting to a roommate about the state of my faith. This wasn’t the first time I’d done this that week (she had been exceptionally patient with me). But part of the cause of my difficulty was due to a decision that was about to be made - one I was struggling to accept. It was the culmination and conclusion of several months of discussion, during which I had become frustrated and discouraged. And while this is a somewhat a simplification of the events that had led me there, I expressed to her in that moment that I would like to just be done. To just walk away from all of this and give it up for good. She implored me to give her and everyone else a chance - to hold on a bit longer. Specifically, she said this: “I’m only just finding out about this. Let me - let us - help you before you decide to walk away.” And - while I’ll never admit it - my heart did soften and deep, deep, deep down what she said felt right.

If it wasn’t in that instant, it was really close to it that I got the text from Bro Myers asking me to speak today. My roommate described it to me later but my face apparently registered terror, confusion, and just an all-around sense of what the heck??? (This is exactly how I felt but those were her words). At that point, I was crying harder and shaking all over. I was practically in a state of shock. So I didn’t respond right away, mostly because it felt like I was facing a significant crossroads.

And I hadn’t faced a choice like it before, as far as I can remember. I could have said no, which would have likely been the first step in just walking away forever. And even though I’m not always great at saying no, that day I knew I could have gone either way. As you can see however, that’s not what happened. Obviously, I said yes because here I am. And while I’m not entirely sure that I’m the person that should be standing up here today or ever, you’re all stuck with me. Don’t you feel so lucky?

What began then and has continued until now was weeks of research, some humbling, more prayers than I had said in this year up to that point, and a whole lot of coincidences. Or what I called coincidences until faced with something I couldn’t deny.

Albert Einstein put it this way: “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.” What that means, and what I’ve learned and re-learned over this time of reflection, is that coincidence is not coincidence at all. God is in everything and gratitude is how we find Him in it.

Sister Bonnie Parkin in her 2007 general conference address gave us this perspective: “Gratitude is a Spirit-filled principle. It opens our minds to a universe permeated with the richness of a living God.” This universe is absolutely filled with God’s influence. She then adds, “Through it, we become spiritually aware of the wonder of the smallest things, which gladden our hearts with their messages of God’s love.”

Similarly, Elder Uchtdorf once said, “How blessed we are if we recognize God’s handiwork in the marvelous tapestry of life. Gratitude to our Father in Heaven broadens perception and clears our vision...Gratitude is a catalyst to all Christlike attributes.”

This concept, this theme has undeniably been present in this journey. The same day I got the text about speaking, I received a blessing from a dear friend that specifically said: “God is in the minute details of your life, in every day. Some days it is so small but if you look, He is there.” The powerful part of that moment was that he whispered those words. I had to be paying attention to recognize the strength in that promise. Later in the week, while we were on Temple Square for stake temple night, I spent some time in the visitor’s center where some missionaries shared their thoughts with me, which included: “Look for Him in the little details and don’t deny the Spirit.” Over and over again, this message kept resurfacing: He is there. Look for Him. Are you looking?

So I tried. And even though Yoda says, “Do or do not. There is no try,” I don’t think anyone will be surprised by what happened. When you open your heart, even just a bit, to the Lord’s influence in your life, He is so easy to find. He isn’t hiding. He isn’t intentionally keeping you in the dark. He is waiting for you to acknowledge His presence through gratitude. According to Sister Parkin, “Gratitude requires awareness and effort, not only to feel it but to express it.”

With that in mind, I’d like to tell you about a few of the places I found Him then. One evening, we were eating Chinese food. And what always comes with Chinese food? Fortune cookies. These cookies get mocked for their regular lack of actual “fortune.” But this isn’t the first time that one of these cookies has definitely been meant for me. Here’s what it said: “You have the ability to sense and know higher truth.” The fortune cookie knew what I need to hear! Or maybe since Heavenly Father knew I was looking for Him, He decided that this was an opportunity to talk to me. It’s possible even cares about which fortune cookie we get, maybe. After all, Doc & Cov says, “...those who receive ALL things with thankfulness shall be made glorious…” That applies to fortune cookies, right?

Okay, how about a slightly more consequential example? A different day, I was again at our kitchen table with a different roommate (I’m not sure what it is about the kitchen table that causes these conversations). She remembered a scripture that she had read recently with my name in it. I suspected that I knew which one she meant because I’ve always loved it for vain reasons. I mean, I also love it because, first of all, it’s Isaiah and he is my favorite. Secondly, it’s one of those scriptures that I turn to when I need comfort because of its power of reassurance. This is what it says:

(Isaiah 51:3) “For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody.”

Five years ago, I wrote about this scripture in my journal. This is what I thought then: “Perhaps it is a coincidence that my name is at the end of this scripture. However, I believe less and less in luck or happenstance because I’m seeing more and more that each event in a life has a purpose.” That was five years ago! Coincidence? I think not!

So joy, gladness, thanksgiving, and the voice of me will be found there - what more could you want from a place? Honestly though...what this says to me is that the Lord is going to take everything, all the waste places, wilderness, and deserts we go through, and make them beautiful. He already is, in fact. As we continue to see through the eyes of gratitude, we are more fully able to acknowledge that beauty, feel it, and express it.

Sister Parkin posed two questions: How do you feel when someone expresses gratitude to you? How do you feel when you express gratitude to another? These are two of the best feelings there are! When someone expresses their gratitude to me, I realize that I haven’t gone unnoticed and that someone cares enough to remind me. And when I express it to another, my love for them expands and more light comes into my life. This is the same when we make the effort to express it to God.

One final story as I wrap up: When we play games, and need to draw a certain card or roll a specific number or whatever to win, the roommate I have yet to mention proceeds to say, “I hope you’ve been living righteously.” And when it’s down to just two people, she adds, “I guess we’ll see who’s been the most righteous.” Along this line of thinking, I submit that whoever has been most grateful has been most righteous because, going back to Elder Uchtdorf’s quote, gratitude is a catalyst for all Christlike attributes. When we are willing to open our hearts and minds to gratitude, it seems only natural that faith, hope, charity, virtue, knowledge, humility, and more would also find their way in.

And not only are we able to gain these but gratitude is also an expression of them. Sister Parkin put it this way, “As we pray and express gratitude to a loving but unseen Heavenly Father, we are also expressing our faith in Him. Gratitude is our sweet acknowledgement of the Lord’s hand in our lives.” And Elder Uchtdorf said: “It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will.” Growing in gratitude will prove the Lord - we will see where He is in our lives in the present and the past. This will then show that He can and will be in our futures. We discover that we can trust Him in all things and be grateful to Him in them as well. This gratitude will then lead us to the development of those Christlike traits that will further our progression to our highest selves.

It has been recommended to me several times during this process that when we have questions, we should start with what we know. So here’s what I know but also what I’d like to know more of. I know the Lord is there. I know He is in the little and the big things. Coincidence is not coincidence at all but instead, the Lord’s hand in our lives. I know that this is one of the many ways in which He shows His love for His children. We are those children and He loves us more than we can comprehend at this time. And as we are looking, as we feel and express gratitude to the people in our lives and to Him, we will grow in that love and it will change us. I plan to continue looking for Him in all things and I hope you will too.

Adventure #47: Sharing Food

"If you really want to make a friend, go to someone's house and eat with him... the people who give you their food give you their heart." ~ Cesar Chavez

So, unlike Joey from Friends, I do share food. I also love it when people share with me. With that in mind, here's what I've noticed about sharing food:

• The offer, even if it isn't accepted, always puts a smile on the faces of those involved.
• When we are at a loss for what to do for someone, we provide food.
• Since food is one of the basic necessities of survival, giving food to someone is saying, "I want you to survive. Take what I have to help you live because I want you to stay alive. That's how much you mean to me."
• It never ceases to amaze me how often I feel fuller by sharing.

The quote at the top also expresses the sentiment, "the people who give you their food give you their heart." Cheesy? Nice way to top a pizza at least? Perhaps, but all the same it is true. There's a reason that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I submit that that actually applies to all humans. And the opposite side to that then is that those doing the sharing, also share their heart as the quote states. 

Therefore...

When I offer you food:

• Take it.
• If you are not actually hungry or truly despise the dish, politely (or impolitely - I won't tell you entirely how to live your life...) refuse. I will understand but I will probably try to find something else you would like.
• Do not feel guilty accepting. Ever. I am willing to share both to be kind and because I care about you. I extend the offer because I want you to live and I will help that continue however I can.
• I will offer food when I find out you are going through a hard time. In many ways, this is my version of hugging. I can't always tell if a person would be open to a hug in that instant so I will take another route to help - through food.
• Finally, AND THIS IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE, if I ever say to you, "Would you like a blue fruit snack?" you can be assured that you mean the world to me. Blue fruit snacks are the rarest and most favorite of all the foods. If I ever give you one, that means you are set with me - I will care about you forever.

This has been another installment of Sharing is Caring. Tune in next time when we interview those crazies to turn down food from their friends...

(PS: If you ever offer me blue food - especially in fruit snack form - you'll will probably never be able to get rid of me from that point on. Blue food is commitment food. So be prepared.)

Adventure #40: Kindness of Strangers

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

My first day at SUU went as expected...a morning full of syllabi designed only to heighten one's stress. As I walked to my job, I reviewed in my mind the semester's worth of work that had been presented in 3 hours. I felt the work weighing on me, not yet having realized these assignments would come one at a time. With each step, I felt more and more alone in the college experience. As I was wondering what I had taken on and how to get out of it, a girl walking my way caught my attention.

She smiled as she introduced herself and turned to walk with me. Her name was Megan. We exchanged small talk about the start of classes, which included the information that this was my first semester. I suspect she already had a sense of that because she was continually upbeat in the conversation. And, without even really knowing me, she reassured me that I could handle whatever college would throw at me.

Then she left and I went to work. After that day, I saw her a few more times on campus. I'm not sure she ever recognized me but remembering her encouragement continues to bring a smile to my face.

This is the power we all have. A power to serve in whatever capacity we find ourselves. If we pay attention, we will see these opportunities to connect with others.

Fast forward about 3 years, I'm still going to SUU. I've moved off campus with some awesome roommates but our apartment is not far enough to make driving worth it. However, on the rainiest day of the year, I would have disagreed. And, even though the apartment was in sight, being completely soaked left me rather cranky.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an umbrella open as my neighbor ran out of her house toward me. I'm amazed how quickly emotions can be flipped. As she approached, my heart swelled with gratitude, where as a moment before I was griping about how wet I was. Cassie held the umbrella for me and mentioned that she would have been out sooner if she'd seen me. I chuckled because her act was already beyond the range of usual human interaction.

We talked until we reached my doorstep. I thanked her and walked in my house with a smile. Out the front window, I watched her run back to her house, thinking about how blessed I was.

How many people do that? See a near stranger out in the storm and rush out to provide whatever assistance they can. But how simple is it to do? I still need to invest in an umbrella for such times!

The start of the following year was one of the worst. My grandma died within a week of New Year's. If there's any person I want to be like, it is her. Geneal Palmer was clever and kind and creative. She radiated positivity, even through the difficulties she faced. My world was a darker place without her. And, I know this applies to anyone who knew her.

During the semester that followed, I started an Institute class. I don't remember which one for sure but the second day of that class, I walked out to find one of the nurses that had helped take care of Grandma. Nicole asked me how Grandma was doing, to which I answered honestly. Nicole expressed her sympathy and added, "She was a great lady, kind to all of us. It was a pleasure to work with her."

I definitely agreed. Well, she gave me a hug and headed to class. And, even though I was sad, it was a refreshing reminder of the goodness I come from.

These are only three examples of the kindnesses I've seen in my life. And, I've been blessed by many more. With this, I'd like to issue a challenge today - take a moment to reflect on the kindness of strangers in your own life. Then go out and pass it on. I promise you adventures if you do.

Enjoy them.

Adventure #35: Wall of Kindness

Friends mean well. Most of the time their advice is impeccable. Sometimes, however, their advice takes a while to sink in - or is still sinking in. Specifically, over the course of the last 7 years, I've had three friends attempt to teach me essentially the same thing but I'm still working on the concept. Originally, the lesson was to be assertive. The next time it was to do what I wanted. Most recently, it came in the form of a diagnosis - I have a Wall of Kindness.

The Wall of Kindness

• definition: barrier or force that prevents mistreatment of others but also promotes service for others always without consideration for myself.

Having a wall of this sort doesn't sound so bad, right? For the most part, it is a blessing. I've gained much in my life from my wall. 

• applications: 
• The Golden Rule - I strive to do to others what I would have others do to me.
• No matter how people have treated me, I have responded with kindness.
• At my convenience or inconvenience, my kindness continues.
• The result is my living for other people. After a while, I don't know what exactly my own life is made of.

And maybe it's that last part when it becomes a problem. Maybe there could be such a thing as 'too nice' when you don't know who you are anymore. But this has never stopped me. My Wall of Kindness reigns in my life. The Wall is all I've ever known - there's a safety in it as well as a mastery. If I can continue to be kind, I win in many ways. This leads me to believe that kindness isn't all there is.

What I truly seek is balance. The Scales of Kindness sound ideal. Maybe I can be kind without it ruling my life. I will be kind and still be myself. That's my new goal.

Adventure #34: Kindness

“We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh how we need each other! Those of us who are old need you who are young, and hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. Those friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. ~ Majorie Hinckley

It may be cheating but, for this entry, I've chosen to reference a portion of a talk I recently gave. I apologize to those who have heard/read it already - if you skip about four paragraphs you'll find new material. Enjoy!

I personally love fruit snacks and I eat them in order of least favorite to favorite. For whatever reason, I didn’t think anyone else ate them this way. But My Friend Katie does and I’ll never forget the time I found that out. It was a bad day. I don’t remember the details of what happened; I just know it wasn’t a good day. I’d finally reached the end of the day and My Friend and I were watching shows, hiding from the world. After telling Katie all about the catastrophic day, she kindly offered me one of the fruit snacks she’d been eating.

“You can have one of my purple fruit snacks if you want. You sound like you need it,” she said.

“Thanks!” And I paused. “Purple? Is it because you don’t like those?” I asked.

“No, they’re my favorite.”

Not my worst moment but I realized that I automatically assumed that I would the least important fruit snack. So not a shining moment either. I was touched actually – she’d give me her favorite flavor when she could have given others. One should never assume they are getting the least because to the giver it could be the greatest they have. And this is something we all need to remember – whatever kindness we receive from others may be the best of what they have to give.

Which brings me to today (June 9), MFK's birthday. Throughout all the celebrating we had been doing, we'd reached a point where we were feasting on some gummy bears at a friend's house. After getting a handful of bears, Katie holds out her hands to me.

"Eat the blue ones!" she insisted. That is a command I'm unlikely to turn down. I love blue gummies.

Happily, I agreed, "Okay! I won't say no to that!"

And I proceeded to pick out the blue gummy bears.  I don't know for sure if Katie really didn't like the blue ones -or the more likely option- she gave them to me because she knows they are my favorite. Either way, the gesture was a kindness.

As a VeggieTales episode would conclude: "And so what we have learned applies to our lives today..." We've learned two things: MFK and I love gummy snacks but equally important both stories are lessons in kindness. The first shows that if we give the best we have, then the result will hopefully be accepted gratefully and will produce happiness. The second then is, we can better apply kindness when we get to know those around us. These are some things we ought to remember.

And as always, Happy Birthday Donald Duck and My Friend Katie!

(P.S. Look for next month's entry on the Wall of Kindness. See you then!)