Adventure #35: Wall of Kindness

Friends mean well. Most of the time their advice is impeccable. Sometimes, however, their advice takes a while to sink in - or is still sinking in. Specifically, over the course of the last 7 years, I've had three friends attempt to teach me essentially the same thing but I'm still working on the concept. Originally, the lesson was to be assertive. The next time it was to do what I wanted. Most recently, it came in the form of a diagnosis - I have a Wall of Kindness.

The Wall of Kindness

• definition: barrier or force that prevents mistreatment of others but also promotes service for others always without consideration for myself.

Having a wall of this sort doesn't sound so bad, right? For the most part, it is a blessing. I've gained much in my life from my wall. 

• applications: 
• The Golden Rule - I strive to do to others what I would have others do to me.
• No matter how people have treated me, I have responded with kindness.
• At my convenience or inconvenience, my kindness continues.
• The result is my living for other people. After a while, I don't know what exactly my own life is made of.

And maybe it's that last part when it becomes a problem. Maybe there could be such a thing as 'too nice' when you don't know who you are anymore. But this has never stopped me. My Wall of Kindness reigns in my life. The Wall is all I've ever known - there's a safety in it as well as a mastery. If I can continue to be kind, I win in many ways. This leads me to believe that kindness isn't all there is.

What I truly seek is balance. The Scales of Kindness sound ideal. Maybe I can be kind without it ruling my life. I will be kind and still be myself. That's my new goal.

Adventure #34: Kindness

“We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh how we need each other! Those of us who are old need you who are young, and hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old. We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. Those friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. ~ Majorie Hinckley

It may be cheating but, for this entry, I've chosen to reference a portion of a talk I recently gave. I apologize to those who have heard/read it already - if you skip about four paragraphs you'll find new material. Enjoy!

I personally love fruit snacks and I eat them in order of least favorite to favorite. For whatever reason, I didn’t think anyone else ate them this way. But My Friend Katie does and I’ll never forget the time I found that out. It was a bad day. I don’t remember the details of what happened; I just know it wasn’t a good day. I’d finally reached the end of the day and My Friend and I were watching shows, hiding from the world. After telling Katie all about the catastrophic day, she kindly offered me one of the fruit snacks she’d been eating.

“You can have one of my purple fruit snacks if you want. You sound like you need it,” she said.

“Thanks!” And I paused. “Purple? Is it because you don’t like those?” I asked.

“No, they’re my favorite.”

Not my worst moment but I realized that I automatically assumed that I would the least important fruit snack. So not a shining moment either. I was touched actually – she’d give me her favorite flavor when she could have given others. One should never assume they are getting the least because to the giver it could be the greatest they have. And this is something we all need to remember – whatever kindness we receive from others may be the best of what they have to give.

Which brings me to today (June 9), MFK's birthday. Throughout all the celebrating we had been doing, we'd reached a point where we were feasting on some gummy bears at a friend's house. After getting a handful of bears, Katie holds out her hands to me.

"Eat the blue ones!" she insisted. That is a command I'm unlikely to turn down. I love blue gummies.

Happily, I agreed, "Okay! I won't say no to that!"

And I proceeded to pick out the blue gummy bears.  I don't know for sure if Katie really didn't like the blue ones -or the more likely option- she gave them to me because she knows they are my favorite. Either way, the gesture was a kindness.

As a VeggieTales episode would conclude: "And so what we have learned applies to our lives today..." We've learned two things: MFK and I love gummy snacks but equally important both stories are lessons in kindness. The first shows that if we give the best we have, then the result will hopefully be accepted gratefully and will produce happiness. The second then is, we can better apply kindness when we get to know those around us. These are some things we ought to remember.

And as always, Happy Birthday Donald Duck and My Friend Katie!

(P.S. Look for next month's entry on the Wall of Kindness. See you then!)

Adventure #33: Double Stuffed Cookies Revisited

Isaiah 48:18 - "O that thou hadst hearkened to my commandments! then had thy peace been as a river, and thy righteousness as the waves of the sea;"

Nearly two years ago, I wrote a post about double stuffed cookies, Isaiah, and My Friend Katie. The full experience can be read here. However, to sum it up: we were eating E.L. Fudge double stuffed cookies and discussing my thought that I was to share in my Isaiah class. I didn't come up with anything that related to Isaiah at that time. And even though I didn't have a connection then, MFK did come up with this:

"Her object lesson boils down to one statement:

'If you want your life to be sweeter, double stuff it with spiritual pursuits.'"

Now if you'll notice the quote/scripture at the top, in my recent study of the book of Isaiah, I finally found a scripture or two to support this lesson. A lesson that has how been taught to me by two of my favorite people. As Isaiah says, if you hearken to the commandments, then you will have both peace and righteousness (and apparently plenty of water). That seems double stuffed to me (and I'm not just saying that because he mentions two things - but that is convenient!) In a life such as this, peace and righteousness sound great! Not only do they sound wonderful but are needful, purposeful pursuits. And Isaiah (and several other prophets) have given us the keys to find them.

So as Isaiah says in 62:9 - "...they that have gathered it shall eat it, and praise the Lord; and they that have brought it together shall drink it in the courts of my holiness." Whether it's E.L Fudge cookies and milk or feasting on the words of Christ and partaking of the living waters, life is sweeter when it's doubled.

Adventure #32: (Delayed) Official Stop and Smell the Roses Day - Take 2

"A friend is someone who, upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain, than to have to watch their friend suffer."

This was something I planned on posting this nearly 3 weeks ago on Official Stop and Smell the Roses Day. But that - as is apparent - did not happen. So here we are. And I've brought to here to talk about three kinds of people.

First, there are people who treat Stop and Smell the Roses Day as I explained it here. This is how I view the day and how I think it should be treated. Make life less complicated and show gratitude for what we have. The other treatments are not wrong - but to get the most out of the holiday, this is the best route.

Next, there are people who take it literally: Stop. Smell a rose or two. Move on. Done. I approve and you guys make me chuckle.

Lastly, there are those who treat it as a day to do nothing. Until this year's experience, I have argued that this is not how it works. Don't do nothing. However, when a migraine hit and I was down for the count, nothing was exactly what I wanted and exactly what happened.

For the first half of the day, I was barely conscious because when I was awake the nausea hit. So I avoided that. When I was finally aware, I texted MFK to save me from further pain by bringing me some Pepsi, for which I will always be grateful. Once she arrived, the rest of the day was spent watching Stargate.

So for the first time, I did nothing on Official Stop and Smell the Roses Day. I will never again say that doing nothing is against the rules. It was in not having things to do that gave me the opportunity to be sick without added stress. And all things considered, celebrating the day by watching Stargate with MFK was the best way.

Adventure #31: Endings

"There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings. Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity." ~Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Read the quote above.


Read it again.


Read it 3 more times.


Memorize it.


You got it? Me too. Brilliant, isn't it?

I've spent portions of my life arguing with myself...Why do you have such a problem with change? No one else seems to have such issues... I'd asked myself when I faced any good-bye, any move, or any interruption to my life. I'll admit that description makes me sound OCD but I hope I've portrayed the right idea. My mistake then is viewing all of these events as endings.

If I had been paying better attention, I could have learned the lesson of eternity stuff much sooner. When I was facing one of these aforementioned good-byes, I turned to my scriptures and found this:

"And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy." (Doctrine and Covenants 130:2)

Even with that being exactly what I wanted to hear, I held on to the doubts that I felt. I continued to emotionally fight change. So the review this weekend during Conference then was absolutely called for. In fact, of all that I could learn in my life, this is the most important - we are made of the stuff of eternity.

And, that leaves me with one more thought: living worthy of eternity. My goal now more than ever is to make my life worth an eternal chance. Using the comfort and direction of President Uchtdorf's words, I may just have a chance. I choose to live up to my potential.

Adventure #30: Wildlife

"The first problem of living is to minimize friction with the crowds that surround you on all sides."     ~ Isaac Asimov

He lived two trees down from the busiest pond in the forest. But it didn't have to be this overrun. Apparently, the rivers, springs, and ponds nearer to the invading animals' homes were somehow not satisfactory. They just wouldn't stay home. They came from miles around - traveling for hours and waiting for twice that long in lines to get a sip from this pond.

He did not understand why this pond was so busy. What was it about this pond that attracted this crowd? If he'd known his house would regularly be overtaken, he would have given a second thought to moving in two trees down from it.

Today, just within his sight, there were three deer, a hedgehog couple, and a mountain lion. A mountain lion! What was a mountain lion doing here? She was fraternizing with her prey. How could the mountain lion look the others in the eye, knowing she'd be eating some of them within the week?

"Why are you all standing outside my front door???" he yelled. Several startled animals turned to look at him but most remained ignorant, in their own little worlds. Without a response, he turned his back, stomping inside, determined to avoid being outside at this time of day.

The next day he broke that agreement with himself. He was spending time with one of his friends. Their activities led them back to his house. On the way, not only did they encounter the hordes of animals vying for the coveted pond water but the weather chose to disagree with them. The rain was ferocious as the two friends continued to battle the fans wildlife. Facing a still new environment, rain, and crowds, the two friends finally arrived soaked and irritated after having been lost - just as his roommate was leaving to join the masses. His resolve was renewed to never face these circumstances again.

The following day another friend approached him. "Let's spend some time at the Great Tree and then enjoy some of these amazing berries I found that the bush next to the Great Tree," his friend suggested.

"But what about the crowd around the pond?" he asked.

"If we leave now, we'll be back before the concourses arrive."

Skeptically, he went with his friend anyway. Their afternoon was a pleasant one, well worth the trip. Until their return. Though not as difficult as the rain experience, it still took three times as long on the return trip because of traffic wildlife.

"Tomorrow, I stay home," he told himself, once again.

Then his sister called. "I need your help gathering some roots. Will you come help me?"

"As long as it's right now. There's a lull in the congregation of cars animals. I'll be there in five minutes."

The plan was going accordingly until one rabbit passed. Then three bear cubs. Then a herd of moose. And a flock of robins flew overhead. He began to rush the gathering process.

"Where's the fire, brother?"

"We need to beat the rush. The animals are coming."

But as they ended the errand and headed for home, they saw those same animals passing them again in the opposite direction. He began to wonder what had happened. They fought through some large groups and pushed on through lesser numbers but all were headed away from the pond. After dropping off his sister, his journey home was surprisingly smooth for the time of day.

"Where is every-" And then he saw it. The stadium pond had dried up. It was over - the animals weren't coming back. His smile grew and grew, until he realized after the winter snows came and the sun melted the flurries on the mountain, the animals would be back for the football water.

Adventure #29 : Being Out of Luck

“It's hard to believe in coincidence, but it's even harder to believe in anything else.” ~John Green

luck  

noun 1. the force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person's life, as in shaping circumstances, events, or opportunities

 

People don't seem to have an opinion one way or another about luck. At least not many people I've had specific conversations with. Does it exist? Is there such thing as coincidence? Or is everything destined to be exactly as it has turned out? Okay, there are two people I know who are exceptions to not having an opinion on luck and both argue that, "There's no such thing as luck."

Those same people have told me that I'm out of luck when the opportunity has arisen.

My question is then:
Do you have to believe in luck to tell someone they are out of it?

Personally, I believe in luck. I believe in destiny as well. And I believe in God and His hand in my life too. But I don't believe that my dice roll when I play Chicken was designed with me in mind. As if someone said, "Melody has to roll three 6's, two 2's, and a 4 this roll!" No, that is luck. Card games? A shuffle is just that: random and luck of the draw. Maybe most of my belief in luck is just in relation to games but even those times when the lights are all green or finding a quarter on the sidewalk...these cases most of the time = luck. I believe there's much luck in the little every day things of life.

From this I've gathered, I've never been out of luck. I'm the one who has the luck. And for those who don't think it's out there...more for me! You're out of luck!